This Way Up: Does the Real World Suck?
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This is part of a recurring series called This Way Up, where I answer questions and give advice to readers and friends.
I received a facebook wall message today from a computer science major a few years younger than me. In it, he wrote:
“Back in June, I made a note about how I didn’t like working full time at my internship and how I was dreading the adult life.. in the note, you left a comment agreeing that being an adult sucks.
Now that a bit more time has passed, what do you think now? The thought of joining the workforce is really stressing me out, and was wondering if there is any comfort knowing it’ll get better?”
I wanted to respond to this on my blog because I think this is a question a lot of soon-to-be graduates face.
There is definitely a period between graduation and the real world that “sucks.” The transition between college life and adulthood is a 1+ year period where many recent graduates get depressed and wonder what they are doing with their lives.
This is completely normal, and here’s why:
I found this website that assigns values for the most stressful life-changing events. Graduating from college isn’t explicitly one of the options, but you can get to it by checking the following: change to a different line of work, major change in finances, changes in responsibility at work, change in residence, change in living condition, change in work hours or responsibilities, change of personal habits, purchase of major items, change in recreational habits, change in social activities, change in sleeping habits, and change in eating habits. You can also throw in mortgage and marriage for many people, but for the average college graduate I won’t include them.
Each of these is what a typical college graduate experiences when entering corporate. Even without marriage or a mortgage, the overall stress score is 277, which is at the high end of the scale (0-300+). Add either a marriage or a mortgage to the equation and you become at a high-risk for stress-related illnesses. (Edit: Here’s another version of the test at Reader’s Digest.)
Graduating from college is a bigger life-event than most people realize, because of all the other factors that naturally change with it. Life-changing events require a lot of adjustment time and are bound to cause depression, second-guessing, and confusion.
The good news is you can get through this transition just by being aware that you are in a transition. When I graduated from college I felt like I should be able to figure out my life; but since graduating, I’ve changed jobs, moved, and started a graduate degree - none of which were in my “after-graduation” plan. Two years ago I had no idea I would be here now, but that’s the way life is; just realizing this will take away a lot of the pressure to “know it all” when you graduate. (Another Edit: I found a website called The Big Transition that is all about transitioning from college to career. I really like it, and if you’re going through this transition now you probably will too!)
If you are or will soon be a recent college graduate, give yourself a year or two to adjust to adulthood. Don’t see anything you do during this period as a failure, but rather a learning experience. There was a light at the end of the tunnel for me, and I enjoy being an adult now - I can’t see myself ever going back to the college lifestyle.
There is so much more I’d like to write about this, but I think I’ll turn it over to my readers.
If you’ve made this transition from college to adulthood, how would you answer this question?
If you are a junior or senior in college, what other questions do you have?
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Monica O'Brien is the founder of Twenty Set, a website about personal and professional growth and development for the Millennial generation. She has been a blogger since 1998 when blogging was still in its “Dear Diary” form and in May 2007 began blogging for personal branding and profit.
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Your article hits on the major theme that keeps me up at night. Traveling into the “unknown” with a hope and prayer that it works out for the best is a very scary thought for collegiate graduates. The realization I have come to however is that, we aren’t as afraid of the unknown as we are about filling the shoes that our parents expect. For a lot of us, our parents were raised in a certain way that promoted hard work first and foremost, and we are more concerned about being happy. Its balancing the two that makes the “real world suck.”
Matt - There is a lot of external pressure from parents after graduation. In most cases, they just want us to be happy, and for them that means financial stability and hard work. You are right: the friction comes from our definition of happiness vs. our parents definition.
The thing we should help our parents understand is that we will be okay. Penelope Trunk wrote an article about this on her blog awhile back, because so many parents are worried about their kids not having “direction.” But the more I talk to people with far more life behind them than myself, the more I realize that things always work out. My boss told me the other day that he left Ghana when he was 25 and came to the US with a couple grand in his pocket. My own mother left Guam and moved to the US when she was 22, with no money, no degree, and no parental support. When I see stories like this, I realize my little leap of faith in moving to Chicago is really nothing in comparison.
The leap into the actua-world should always be accompanied by excitement rather than fear. Or, if fear - then redefined as excitement. It’s like using your flight or fight response to present a winning speech or presentation - it all depends on how you interpret your increased heart-rate, and use it to your advantage.
For me it was a ‘no shame’ thing. I collected a couple of mentors (through friends and/or family connections), admitted to myself and those around me that I knew almost nothing, and just went for what I knew best, which for me was forest industry involvement, and the west coast.
Also, yes, I didn’t start with a story of limited opportunity like several above you had mentioned. THOSE are good examples of dream-following!
“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door” - someone, I can’t remember.
I graduated from college five years ago, and I have to say it really does get better. I remember freaking out when I graduated. It really is a big transition - One that I’m certain my parents didn’t understand, and I’m sure a lot of others don’t either.
It’s hard, but you do get through it. You eventually find a job - hopefully one you like (or at least provides benefits!). You eventually make some good money. You eventually don’t miss the all-nighters and the frat parties (yes, you should start going to more “grown up” parties).
There are definitely things I miss about college, but I think about way less than I used to. It’s time for a new chapter in your life - make the most of it.
I think another important thing to remember is you don’t need a job you love necessarily, at least not when first entering the workforce. When I graduated I took an offer at my “dream” company, which turned out to be more of a nightmare experience for me. You can leave your job in a couple years, so take something that pays well and has good benefits when you’re starting out. Some people might say it’s settling - but really we’re always settling because we’ll never know for sure if there was something better out there, and our passions always change.
Monica,
What perfect timing (yet again
I’m graduating in 8 months and have recently started the job search process (you can follow along on my blog 
and I must say a lot of this is on my mind. I recently went through a funk b/c I was stressing out, but for no reason other than my mind was making it out to be worse than it really will be. I already have a GREAt job offer on the table from my current co-op employer and opportunities keep knocking. It’s just that “step” into the unknown thats freaking me out. Granted I do plan on moving back home in order to save money for a house and other itmes that will be a good foundation for life but there are sooooo many other little things that have me stressing out. Great post.
-Mike-
Mike - I’m glad this was helpful to you. I think three takeaways, based on the discussion in the comments section are: 1. Everyone else is feeling the same way, even if they have job offers lined up, 2. Everyone ends up being okay after graduation, ie: finds a job, and 3. Even if things don’t turn out the way you expect you can always change jobs, places, industries, etc. Good luck - you will be fine.
This post hits on everything my friends and I talk about on a daily basis. As a college senior with only a few weeks left in the semester, these topics are an everyday struggle. Thank you for writing about this huge transition, one that many students, colleges, and parents are confused over and seemingly ignore. Before this transition many of us had a planned path: elementary school, middle school, high school, college. Now, with so many options ranging from working, traveling, graduate school, volunteer programs, etc. in our ever-changing world, we are left with major decisions.
What I am slowly learning about this transition is that there is no “right” or “wrong” path, but simply experiences that lead you in a certain direction.
Great post, I am looking forward to more.
Carla, I’m glad to hear people talk about this on a daily basis. It’s terrifying for students - I was there. I had a job lined up in January of my senior year, and I was still a wreck graduating, moving, entering corporate, and planning a wedding. It’s just a lot to deal with at once.
A theme in this conversation is that young people feel parents aren’t understanding what they are going through, which is interesting to me. Here’s the post I mentioned earlier from Penelope Trunk.
Also, you are exactly right - there is no right or wrong answer. Furthermore, even if your decisions lead you in a certain direction, you are still young enough to change if that doesn’t work out - and for a lot of people (including me) it doesn’t.
This is totaly true. I call this part of my life my “quarterlife crisis.” I am almost through it but let me tell you it is not easy.
I probably shouldn’t say this, but life will always have stuff in it that kind of sucks.
I’ve learned myself that just as you think you’ve got it nailed, life can always throw something at you that has the ability to knock you sideways or shake you to your core.
This is just part of the process. Everything you do, whether it works out or not, adds to who you are and what you’re able to do. Where people tend to go wrong is when they over-inflate what’s happening in their lives when the truth is - for the majority of cases - it just doesn’t matter.
I’m not suggesting you turn cold, become cynical or ignore your feelings. Care about what you care about; follow what matters to you and pay attention to what’s important. But you’ll be able to to those things much easier and much more successfully if you go about them with a sense of ease and lightness rather than a sense of struggle and heaviness.
Yes, sometimes life sucks. Sometimes it’s pretty darn great. As long as you’re living your life and engaging with what matters to you, the rest just doesn’t matter. One of my favourite quotes is this - “If you can look back on a year and say that you’ve either laughed or cried, then it’s been a year well spent“. I couldn’t agree more.
Graduating from college and going to work is a big transition. Not mentioned here: a job gives you a lot less time off, more definition around roles and responsibilities, and now actually counts. Plus you probably are working for more money than at any other time in your life and there is a whole learning curve about what to do with finances.
Take heart: after 30-years in the work force, I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up. Instead of trying to figure out all the answers, work on effectively managing transitions and the answers will become apparent.
I’m getting ready to graduate this May, and I know it will be a process adjusting to life. Thanks for the links to those sites. Many friends of mine are going through the post college life transition. I know its coming, but change can be an exciting aspect to life; Often scary, but still exciting!
Erin, you’ll get there. Good luck!
Steve, you are very right. I like your quote too. I think this post is really just assurance for young people who are graduating from college. Once you’ve realized from experience that life goes through these cycles, it’s easier to recognize, and thus, prepare for. For most people just graduating, this is their first taste of that cycle. It’s enough to unravel even the brightest and most successful students - and students need to know they are not alone in their fear of the unknown. Thanks for the comment!
Scot, I like what you’ve added. Those are all good points… and it’s true that you never really find all the answers, even as you age. I’ve heard that from a lot of other people. Thanks for the comment!
Miguel, this is a huge topic right now because so many students are graduating soon. It’s a lot of pressure. I added a link to TheBigTransition.com because the guys who write there are college seniors and they write all sorts of interesting stuff about this topic. I hope you’ll check them out.
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