My Mentor Wish List
Hi! Welcome to Twenty Set. Here you will find 4-5 new articles every week about personal and professional development written specifically for the young professional. If you like what you read, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!
Image Source: InkyGirl via FlickR
I originally felt guilty about writing about the importance of having a mentor since I myself can’t seem to find one. But, like any writer knows, all it takes is a different angle, so instead of writing about the awesome mentor I don’t have I am writing about mentor wish lists.
You’ve heard the saying “you can’t find what you want until you know what it is?” So you need a mentor wish list. Sounds simple, right?
Here’s mine:
Men need not apply. I’m quite the Daddy’s girl and I’ve noticed I develop a father/daughter relationship with any man over 45. I’ve had three male bosses, the current of which is fantastic (and a little younger - perhaps a factor?). Still, men are more reserved towards women. A man is unlikely to tell me all the things I’m doing wrong because it’s “improper” or whatever - or maybe I’ve just had nice managers so far. Either way, I know a woman would not feel the need to sugar-coat things with me, and thus would be a more beneficial mentor.
Entrepreneurs welcomed. I want someone who has started her own business. Of all the executive women I’ve met, they all seem to be saying the same thing when it comes to climbing the corporate ladder. If you’re not in the mood to click, here’s a quote that basically sums it up: “Glaciers are moving faster than women’s movement into the corner office.” Career coach and best-selling author Judith Wright started her own business when she hit the glass ceiling, as did Michelle Ringwood, CEO of Pronto Connections. Women aren’t at the top in corporations because they’re leaving to pursue their own visions with (hopefully) more flexible schedules, and I don’t see this trend changing in the near future.
I am woman. I need someone who is a bit of a feminist. Perhaps that’s because I want someone who will tell me not to worry about work/life balance because it’s a load of BS. Maybe I just want someone who understands why I don’t cook or dust or do laundry or scrub floors. Either way, I won’t get along with a woman who thinks Suzy Housewife and Katie Career Woman go in the same sentence. (<– As you can see they don’t!)
Sense of style please. I’m interested in the fashion business, so I actually have a legitimate reason for having this on my list. It would be distracting and difficult for me to admire someone with poor aesthetic taste, which would make them a poor mentor choice for me.
I could go on, but I think you get the picture. Unfortunately, just having a mentor wish list is not enough. Think about it - the wish list is like a job description for a role that people don’t necessarily seek out on their own. In order to find a mentor, I have to take my list and actively search for someone who fits, then hope that person likes me enough and is willing to take the time to help me develop my career. That’s a lot of things that have to fall in place - or maybe I’m just a little pessimistic after searching for almost a year with no luck. There’s one other option - if I find some of these characteristics in a few different people, it might be easier to divide the work.
What’s your mentor wish list? How did you find your mentor(s)? Does anyone else struggle with finding a mentor after sincerely looking? Do you have ideas on how to find a mentor? Please leave your thoughts in the comments section!
Popularity: 9% [?]
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Monica O'Brien is the founder of Twenty Set, a website about personal and professional growth and development for the Millennial generation. She has been a blogger since 1998 when blogging was still in its “Dear Diary” form and in May 2007 began blogging for personal branding and profit.
Email this author | All posts by Monica O'Brien
Hi Monica,
It’s funny that you mentioned the fact that you’d rather have a female mentor. I wrote a post awhile back where I discussed the same sort of issue. I wanted a male mentor in my life, but everyone I worked with was female.
It was tough because sometimes the line between sexes can make us sugarcoat reality and that’s annoying when all you want to do is learn how to preform better.
One of the arguments I received was that male mentors actually are better for young women because they’re sexually attracted to them and give them much more attention than they would a male.
I can’t argue that you’ll probably get more attention that way, but I guess you really have to ask yourself what the difference is between the attention you’re getting and the attention you want to get.
Anyway, nice post. I like that you put a lot of thought into your perfect mentor. But don’t be too picky.
It’s just like dating. If your standards are too high, you’ll never find the right person.
Ryan,
Thanks for the comment. I completely agree that men will give young women more attention, but like you said, most women are probably aiming for a different type of attention than most men would give them. I can’t say I want my mentor to be sexually attracted to me - it just seems weird and counterproductive. Also, I think young women and women in general rely on flirting to get things, and having a same-sex mentor would help prevent that type of behavior.
I think I know which article you’re talking about. As I recall you got a lot of comments about how you were sexist, but I’m guessing since I’m a woman and not a man I won’t have that problem. Nice double standard there, right?
I think you should always have high dating standards, but I won’t go into it here. Maybe next time.
Thanks again for your thoughts!
Yeah, I always get in trouble when I discuss gender issues…when will I learn my lesson?