Getting Along With Just About Anyone

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Before you go through any life-changing event, you will receive an onslaught of advice from people who have already experienced it.  I went through this when I got married, and the one piece of advice I remembered was this:

“The things that made you fall in love with a person are the same things that will irritate you about them after you get married.”

Example: Before marriage: Great sense of humor.  After marriage: Can’t take anything seriously.

See how this works?  What I realized is that if you can turn any positive into a negative (and you basically can, try it), then you should also be able to turn any negative into a positive.  And that’s how you get along with just about anyone.

Here’s are 4 techniques to put this theory into practice:

Note Similarities, Not Differences

Opposites do not attract.  That’s why self-selected segregation exists.  That’s why stereotypes exist.  And that’s why Cardinals fans cheer whenever they see other people wearing red in Wrigleyville (Cubs territory).

So if you want to get along with someone, find something you have in common with them, and talk to them about it.  Because even if they irritate you in many other ways, you’ll always have something to turn the conversation around.

Compartmentalization

At seven syllables, I still have trouble pronouncing the word, but compartmentalization really just means separating things into different parts.  Compartmentalization is surprisingly easy to do this with people’s characteristics, traits, and habits.  Whenever you find something you don’t like about a person, put it in an imaginary box and close the lid.  You can even wrap the box in packing tape and ship it to Antarctica if you’d like, as long as you forget about that part of the person and focus on the characteristics the person has that appeal to you.

Separate Thoughts and Actions From People

People say and write and do things I dislike every day.  I find it easiest to get past these things if I remember that people react differently to situations and have differing opinions. 

It’s not the person I don’t like, but the way they went about handling that problem.  But at least they showed initiative and hard work.

It’s not the person I don’t like, but their viewpoints and the way they presented them.  I like that they are passionate though.

Working with someone who goes about things differently can be a good thing for your personal development anyway.

Avoidance

The first three techniques work well when you don’t like someone and are forced to spend time with them in some capacity; but if you can manage to pull it off, a great way to get along with someone is to only talk to them when absolutely necessary.  Flipping negatives to positives takes a lot of energy and self-constraint, so the less you have to do it, the better.

To conclude, I feel compelled to point out the title of the article: Getting Along With Just About Anyone.  Please note it says nothing about liking a person.  These techniques shouldn’t be used on your friends or partner; if you don’t like someone, don’t be friends with them or date them.  And definitely don’t stay in an abusive relationship.

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